A Mother's Feelings

This past few days was so emotional for me.. I feel stress out on my job, my relationship with my girl sometimes its shaky, you know we quarrel and don't talk from each other.. he-he and the worst thing that happened to me this week was when i hurt the feelings of my mother.. the story goes this way:

one day, i bought ingredients for Fruit salad because i feel like i want to eat Fruit salad.. Then she(my mother) sent me a message to my phone saying "don't waste your money, you should keep them for future purposes, and if someone tells you to TREAT them, don't just go right away and treat them".. then i replied to her saying, "It's not like that, it's my tongue that's instructed me to do so.."(i confess I'm not good in English, but I believe you understand what I'm trying to say. :)) .. on the other day, the Fruit salad was all done and ready to serve.. while I'm at work, she sent me a message again, saying that They should have more salad to eat than my housemates..FYI: I leave with my Aunt(my mother's Sister) since 1st year high school up to now.. then I said, You can get whatever you want as long as leave some for me.. Immediately as parents could get whatever they want from their child as long as they as permission too.. and confuse me is the phrase "Share your Blessings to Others".. she should've known that for sure.. but of course she's still my mother and i have to understand her feelings..

the yesterday,my girl visited me at home and bought doughnuts, that wont be enough for us so i bought "pancit".. while we were eating with my mother, aunt, cousins and with my girl,.. i can't re-phrase what she said that moment but it's similar from the second paragraph.. then i answered "..then you will send me a message again telling........" then i suddenly fade my voice..I know at that time, I've hurt her feelings and YES, I was right.. she told me that I shouldn't be acting like that because she's my mother..I think what makes her feel bad is the confidentiality of our conversation on the phone yet i spoke it in-front of others..Then i feel the world isolated me, i don't know what to do how can she forgive me.. then she sent me a famous proverb(salawikain) in the Philippines :"Aanhin pa ang damo kung patay na ang kabayo" in english, "what can you do to that grass if the horse is dead." ..Literally, A horse eats grass, but in etymologically speaking, what the proverb wants us to understand in my opinion is that treasure everything that we have for now we have them, give them what you have,& love them more as you love yourself.. and with that saying, that time, i want to cry for what I've said to her, I'm not the best son in the world but trying to be be a better son for them at the same time a better nephew and cousin to my relatives.. but I am forgetting something as time goes by..

I've said sorry to my mother already my i feel it's not enough.. She's my mother so she could forgive me but as long as I can remember my fault.. I feel sad, far away from them.. and lost..

so whoever reads this post, from now on, please you parents for without them, you won't be here, A mother that shows happiness in-front of us but when we turn our back, we don't know that she's sad, keeping into herself.. so whatever you do to them, make sure they are happy:) not only for them but for all..It's on our mistakes that we learn how to deal with life and mistakes that are piled together becomes experiences that we share to your sons, grandsons, and to other people..:)#